In the days when I thought Eddie Izzard funny, I used to enjoy his comedy routines. The more so when they were added as narration to films made using lego figures, then posted on Youtube. His Death Star Canteen is a classic and worth a look for any Star Wars fans but his Cake or Death, a riff on how the Church of England would have been lousy at doing the job of the Spanish Inquisition due to their reliance on tea and cake, is one that has stayed with me.
The phrase “Cake or Death” has subsequently found its way into our family lexicon, for no good reason I’m sure, but there it remains.
As I write this my best friend Sue lies dying. She was diagnosed with an aggressive form of pancreatic cancer at Easter and here we are in July and she is now peaceful, deeply unconscious at her daughter’s house surrounded by family, the window of her room open with birdsong on the warm air.
Sue and I nursed together and Kate, her daughter , is a nurse too, so we are realists, pragmatic in the face of this awful news, supporting each other and until she slipped into unconsciousness laughing at life absurdities as only medical folk can.
Sue was the most hospitable person, always finding room at her table. She was a plain cook, renowned for her roasts and her legendary sponge cakes. You never left without a cake, she baked them for garden teas, village fetes, she made one fresh every Monday for a drop in group that supported youngsters with mental health issues, she stacked her freezer with them, just in case.
So as a memorial to her, the very best of friends, someone I laughed with, shared hopes and fears with, cried with, saw our families grow with and who I will miss profoundly, here is her recipe for the perfect Victoria sponge
Since writing these words Sue has died leaving a huge hole in many lives , a hole that may not be entirely filled by, but will definitely be assuaged by,
cake.
Sue’s Sponge cake
When I asked Sue, a farmer’s wife, for her recipe several years ago, she laughed at the role reversal then admitted that she only ever used soft margarine for her cakes, Stork being her marge of choice. She added that she made them in a free standing mixer and having put the marge and sugar in, she would switch the power on and go off to do something else for 10 minutes. Eggs are then added alternately with self-raising flour and thats it.
Ingredients
Weigh your eggs: 3 medium eggs will weigh about 180 - 200gm
Now weigh the same weight of caster sugar, soft margarine, and self raising flour
Preheat the oven to 350F 170 fan
Butter and flour 2 x 18 cm cake tins
Sift the flour
Whisk the marge with the sugar until pale and light, about 5-10 minutes
Beat in the eggs one at a time adding 1 tablespoon of the flour with each egg.
Now add the remaining flour and fold in.
Scrape the batter between the prepared tins and bake until the cake is golden (about 25 minutes).
Let the cake cool briefly on a rack before turning out of the tin and allowing it to cool completely
Fill with jam and for special occasions, whipped cream
Use lots of jam
And lots of whipped cream
Dust the top with icing sugar
I'm so deeply sorry for your loss, Thane. She sounds like a person who will be enormously missed by family, friends and colleagues, anyone who interacted with her.
I agree with you on the excellence of those Cake or Death clips by Eddie Izzard, it always felt to me like a cutting but fair parody of elements of religious communities. To me it's become a perfect example of those situations where all of your possible paths forward are shit choices but someone's trying to convince you that one of them is great, even though a great choice doesn't exist.
I am so sorry for your loss Thane. Huge condolences.